Light.Dance.Go.

If i like wearing jeans, t-shirt and converse. If i love about the fact that i play drums. If i'm not feminine. If i'm not attractive. If i have the smallest eyes in the planet. If i was found easier to hang out with guys. If i love blazers. If my laugh is not as elegant as in the Victorian times. If i'm meaty. If i love indie music. If i love to jump around and dance when there's awesome band playing. If i love cars. If i'm fond of tattoos and piercings.

It doesn't mean i'm one of the boys.

I just want people to see me as a girl. I'm just somehow a wee bit different, that's all.

The questions. 'Why why why' is always in my head. Once in awhile i cursed at my size. I hated about the fact that the biggest factor about me that turns people (mostly guys) off is my size and weight. This issue is always on and off, for awhile i'm all "screw everybody, God made me like this". But there are moments where i go 'i would do anything to be skinny'.

I got sick and tired of not being comfortable in my own skin, especially thinking there's something wrong with me because I've always been the unlucky bug in certain aspects of life.

I used to be shy when it comes to this, not knowing and not wanting how to dance like how my good mates Kris and Nisha dance. I used to envy how they can move around without any care to the world. Just before my prom night's time to dance, i inhaled every courage i have. I looked at Rina and Nisha when Black Eyed Peas started playing loudly, they gave me the eye and we walked to the dance floor together. I finally get to dance around with them like there's no tomorrow. I used to be strict to myself, telling myself NOT to raise my arms while dancing because, honestly, it's flabby. Someone could get hurt in the process, especially in the face.

But hey, i did it anyway. It may be a disgusting sight, but the feeling of freedom is so overwhelming, it felt so good that i actually.. don't mind.

Anyway. My point being. All these while, I've been convinced that being another person, with a certain type of personality will make people like me more. But in the end, what i don't see is that it wears me out so deeply that i'm starting to get emotionally stressed out.

The best thing is to be myself. If that doesn't attract anybody, then it's alright i guess. As long as i'm happy and content, i know everything is going to be alright in the end.

- - -

Need a pick-me-up? Here you go.

Does It Offend You, Yeah? - Being Bad Feels Pretty Good.

I did it.

I'm finally okay at NOT being okay.